I recently read a book called "The Busy Mom's Guide to a Happy Organized Home". In this book, the author suggests creating a written statement of priorities in order to guide the direction of your family. It seemed like a good idea to me. After all, I do have a certain vision for how I would like my family to be, and putting those things in writing just may help me to keep on track. Then I thought putting them on this blog may help to keep me accountable. So here goes...
Barnhart Family Mission Statement: My Vision & Priorities
Written by Blaine Barnhart
9/11/09
I want to create a home environment for my family that exudes happiness, stability, and love…love for each other, love for God, and love for those around us. I want each member of my family to feel safe and confident in the bonds between us. I want our home to be one that each member is proud to call theirs; one that my boys will remember warmly in their hearts when they are old and grey as a place where love and laughter were never in short supply. To that end, I have identified to following as priorities in our home:
1. Spending time as a family. I want to know my boys, and I want them to really know their parents. Realizing that this will not happen on it’s own, the following are some ways in which I intend to foster these family bonds:
a. Family Meals: I realize that it is unrealistic to expect that we will eat dinner together as a family every night of the week. However, I would like to set a goal of eating dinner together at the table as a family 4 nights per week. I would also like Sunday dinner to be eaten as a family after church each week.
b. Family Fun Time: At least once a month Justin and I will take the boys to some sort of special outing. This would include things like going to the circus, zoo, ball game, children’s museum, etc…or it could be something like a weekend camping trip, even if it’s just in the back yard. The important thing is that we are all 4 doing something fun together. I want my boys to know that their parents enjoy their company and that we don’t consider doing things with them and taking them places a chore but a privilege. This is one area where I feel my parents did a good job when I was growing up. I remember many times where they took us to the circus or Sesame Street on Ice without our asking to go. I remember those times fondly and it gave me the feeling that my parents wanted to spend time with me. Even from that young age, I could appreciate the fact that not every kid was lucky enough to have parents who were able to (or who even wanted to) take them places like that. When my boys are grown, I want them to look back and realize that their parents could have spent that time and money elsewhere, but chose to give it to them instead.
c. Time with Extended Family. My boys are tremendously privileged to be surrounded by extended family on both sides who love and adore them. They are doubly blessed because the majority of these people live close by. These days, this is becoming an ever-decreasing situation for most families. I want my boys to benefit from this blessing. Justin and I both grew up surrounded by grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles who were close-knit, and I would not trade that for anything. Many of my fondest memories from childhood involve extended family. I doubt that setting specific goals for extended family time is really necessary; since we’ll be living close by we’ll see family all the time. However, I would like to try to have someone over for dinner or Sunday lunch about once a month. On occasion (but not all the time) our family fun time outing (above) may include a set of grandparents or cousins.
2. Keeping our Marriage Healthy. The relationship that Justin and I have will set the tone of our household. It is extremely important to me that my boys grow up knowing that their parents love and respect each other. This will give our boys a sense of security that is lacking in so many childrens’ lives these days. I want to be a good example for them of what a healthy marriage looks like so one day, when they have grown into men, they will think when they are choosing a wife, “I want what my parents have.” Of course, Justin and I are both human, and there are going to be ups and downs. This is also important for our boys to see. I don’t want to paint an unrealistic picture for them. I want them to know that a good marriage doesn’t just “happen”; it takes hard work and compromise, and there are a few specific ways that I want them to observe this as they grow up. First, it’s OK to let them see a little spat now and then so they know that some conflict in a marriage is normal and there are constructive ways to resolve disagreements. But they shouldn’t be present for any heated arguments or hear discussion of any serious topic that directly involves them. Secondly, I want my boys to see that Justin and I enjoy each other and want to spend time together. Therefore, I want to set a goal that we have a date night once per month and go on a weekend getaway twice per year.
3. Creating a Godly Atmosphere. I want my boys to grow up to be strong men of God. To be a good example, it is important to me that I maintain my own relationship with Him. I intend to always be active in (not just attend) a regular church and to let my boys see me actively living my faith. I want my boys to know that their mother prays for them constantly.
4. Creating a Neat, Comfortable, Livable Home. I would like the home in which my family lives to be well taken care of. I do not, however, want it to be kept like a museum (little danger of that, I’m sure). I want my family to be comfortable in our home, so it should be clean enough to be safe, healthy and organized but I’m sure will never be pristine. Keeping my home clean and organized is a priority for me, but not at the expense of family time and my sanity. Therefore, if housecleaning begins to take time away from other family priorities, I give myself permission to hire a cleaning lady. It’s important for me to determine the things that only I can (or should) do for my family and the things that are just as well done (and sometimes better) by someone else. Delegation can better help me keep my priorities in line. This includes delegating to the boys. As part of the household, it is important they learn from a young age that they are expected to help with household duties.
5. Nurturing Physical Health and Nutrition. It’s important to me that my family do all we can to remain healthy. Not only do I NOT want to lose any member of my family prematurely (although I realize no one ever has control of this, healthy or not), but discipline in this area will help teach the boys that their bodies are to be treated as temples. So regular doctor visits and exercise are not to be neglected. Of course, neither Justin nor I are “fitness freaks” but we should set a good example. It will do no good to tell the boys not to be couch potatoes if we are. The main avenue of exercise for the boys growing up will be playing outside. This is the main reason we want to live in the country amd provide them with plenty of room to run, explore and play. Nutrition is also very important and is mainly determined by the amount of time and effort that I put into meal planning, shopping and preparation. I will admit that this has been a struggle for me, but my intention is to put in the effort of planning meals a week in advance so as to keep things stocked and readily available for meal preparation. This is important not only to the physical health of my family members, but to the overall health of the family relationship as family dinner will be a major avenue for bonding, sharing and closeness.
6. Maintaining Financial Stability. It is not important to me that my family live in the nicest house on the street or that we have the nicest cars, clothes or “toys”. However, it is important to me that my family maintains financial stability and that we live within our means. I’d like my boys to be able to enjoy the benefits of growing up in a family with the blessing of having some disposable income to spend on fun and occasional luxuries. I would like to be able to give them the gift of paying for the majority of their college (if that is what they choose) so they don’t have to start out life strapped with debt. To that end, it’s important that I continue working at least part time until my boys are in school, at which point I would like to work full time weekdays so as to have weekends free for family time, sporting events, etc. Tithing is something I will always do in all financial circumstances, and it is important that the boys are aware of this. God has richly blessed my family, and I will not withhold from Him His portion of those gifts. I would like our family’s financial practices to teach our boys how to be responsible and glorify God with one’s finances. Above all, I want to teach my boys that, while money is important, it is not the be-all, end-all of life. If what you desire is money and possessions, you will never have enough. There are so many things in life that are more precious. After all, as Proverbs 23:4-5 says: “Do not wear yourself out to get rich. Have the wisdom to show restraint. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle.”
What a way to end the summer!!